Growing as a dancer

Belly dance or Middle Eastern dance has become a passion of mine. I have only been dancing a little over a year so growing into this dance form and the culture that surrounds it has been a struggle for me and an exciting learning experience.

I recently left Michigan for Virginia because my husband was hired as a full-time college instructor. Along with uprooting myself and leaving friends, I left a bitter instructor who wished she could keep belly dance in a little box while she complained about the various muscle aches of old age.

I recently found a new instructor who is enthusiastic and positive in her approach to teaching. She is using the drum solo (something I absolutely adore) to drill movements and improve technique. She is eccentric and interesting but isn't afraid to let it all show in its imperfect glory. Since my 3rd class with her, I have truly been growing as a dancer. While I can see in the mirror that I will need to perform for a few years with a troupe before I will be able to stand on my own as a dancer, I can see my own dance personality emerging. Today in the mirror I did vertical figure 8s and Mayas up and down while bending my knees. I felt like I truly felt the music and for the first time I could see a smile inching across my face. I know that one day I will be able to do improvisation. One day I will make a wonderful performer and a beautiful dancer.

My journey into the world of belly dance (Middle Eastern Dance)

Belly dance is a dance form that originated in the Middle East. Egypt, Lebanon, Turkey, and Algeria are among the list of countries that still perform this beautiful dance form. Belly dance began as a social dance performed by men, women and children to celebrate happy occasions. This folk dance has changed throughout the years since it has spread into Europe and the United States. Belly dancers are an interesting group of people who are disciplined dancers struggling to move the dance to the level of acceptance accorded to ballet, jazz and modern dance forms. The media keeps blurring the lines between belly dancers and other forms of not so satisfactory dance so people sexualize belly dancers when it is not intended to be a sexual dance. Understanding the origins of belly dance (or Raqs Sharqi, Danse Orientale) is culturally important, especially considering our conflicted relationship with Middle Eastern countries.

My interest in belly dancing began after seeing a friend dance. She looked so poised and confident that I had to learn more. Seeing women of all shapes and sizes dancing around a bonfire at a festival my husband and I go to once a year had me wanting to learn more and left me with a new feeling of confidence about my body. For once, I felt like I did not hate it.

I took my first class summer of 2008. I explained to my friends something I realize now is incorrect, that belly dance is a fertility dance inspired by ancient childbirth rituals and developed from old childbirth exercises, then set to music (I saw this stated online and believed it because I didn't know any better). I dragged my friends to a belly dance class last summer and became very upset as they began talking about how they couldn't stand their bodies when I just wanted to focus on the dance. I was rude to my friends because I felt we should be proud of showing our bellies and that belly dance was called belly dance for a reason. I was not being what you would call kind. I think back to it and feel silly, because I have since been reading up on the history of belly dance in a belly dance forum I joined.

The sheer joy of learning the dance is what continues to motivate me. The cultural aspect (the fact that it is a Middle Eastern form of dance that used to be done in social circles) and chatting with experienced dancers about the political ramifications of learning the dance of another culture has me worn out. I now become depressed when I read the forum because I think about how dull this all sounds, sitting around talking about it, feeling like I should be feeling guilty about not constantly doing research on the origin of the dance. I don't feel the least bit guilty about learning this dance form as an American. The beauty of the dance, learning the dance is so important to me and I found that going to the forum was sucking the joy out of it for me. Then when I expressed this frustration I would be accused by some forum members of "holding on to orientalist fantasies." I eventually just threw up my arms and decided I would learn the dance on my own terms. I do not spread misinformation about the dance and every dance I learn I want to learn the origin of...but right now I'm working on the basics, so focusing on learning the cultural aspects so often might spell my downfall. I want to continue dancing so I choose to focus on what I need to focus on at this moment.

Dealing with all the western guilt going around about learning this dance has been painful and dull. As long as we do not remain ignorant about the origin of the dance we are learning, I think we belly dancers should all just relax. I also come from a social culture which borrows from other cultures all the time. We play West African djembes in drum circles and spin polynesian poi. We occasionally talk about the origin of the instruments we use, but what's more important is community and our own spirituality. I took a work shop on West African drumming and want to continue learning that style. But I would be wasting my breath and ruining a perfectly good moment if at every drum circle I explained the origin of each rhythm instrument. So when someone jumps down my throat about not knowing something rather than politely correcting me, it just leaves me feeling bewildered, like I don't belong.

I'm a very casual person who is usually taken aback by people who need to be precise about everything. It seems in the world of belly dance there exist people who are heavy thinkers in abundance. People who are very precise and strict in the way they do things (like accountants, lawyers, etc). And that can be a positive thing especially for belly dance, an art form that demands a very high level of proficiency and the mastery of movements that can take years to learn properly. This is the one art form I have had the patience to learn and the acceptance of not having it down to perfection right away. Mainly because I know I won't have it down right away, that's impossible. But I do know I feel spiritually and physically whole when I belly dance and that it's a dance form that fits perfectly with my body and the way I love to move in space.

I don't feel like chatting on the belly dance forum because when I do, I feel like they are so worried about my not knowing what I need to know, I can't say anything. So...I'm doing my own thing, working with my instructor and occasionally going to the forum to ask questions and give updates on how my training is going. Belly dance may not be all about female empowerment and male belly dancers exist, but that doesn't change the fact that it does make me feel empowered. It's also a way I can showcase my deep love of music. I didn't realize I could dance until I began learning belly dance. I watch professional belly dancers in awe because I know someday that will be me. When I went into an auditorium to watch a professional belly dance performance and a student belly dance performance, I became excited because I knew I would one day be up on that stage moving with the music and creating my own beauty.

The fact that so many Americans are interested in a dance from another country can be a positive thing. I don't have a problem with the parallel between the goddess and belly dance (even though it is false) because that does far less damage than the exotic dancer connection (also false). Being nitpicky is so exhausting, but surrounding myself with love of the dance and music leaves me with a feeling of peace. That is what matters to me right now.

What I think of another Hollywood Buffy movie

I don't think most Buffy fans want to force Joss to do a Buffy movie. What I think most fans are trying to get at is any Hollywood portrayal of Buffy that is done without watching the TV show will be done disrespectfully; thus, Buffy ceases to be a superhero and becomes nothing but a cheap joke. The reason most of us refused to see Buffy the TV series (even now loyal fans such as myself) was because of the corny movie about which nothing was to be taken seriously. Through Joss's TV show, we have come to know a heroine of endless strength...a cultural goddess who is as fragile as every human being yet stronger than any of us. And the fact that in Joss's TV show, she and her friends were so real that we miss them. The level of skill it takes to get people to miss characters that much is underestimated. Now, with Buffy we have a problem and the problem is its very reason for existence. The name, Buffy the vampire slayer. As Joss Whedon stated during the Buffy reunion at Paley Fest, "Yeah, you don’t put BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER on the WB thinking “I’m gettin’ Emmy’s.” 'Nuff said. But that is the main reason I do not feel comfortable with Buffy being rebirthed within Hollywood again as another B-movie let down. We don't want the world to remember her that way. A large chunk of the beauty of Buffy the television series is the metaphor that comes with giving absolute power to the most powerless in society. For the blond girl with a silly name to feel like she matters in this world...but far beyond just mattering...that she can save this world. That meant so much to me as a woman that no amount of letters to Whedon could express my gratitude. The idea of Buffy becoming cultural mythology mainstay does give me that warm fuzzy feeling but it's not the kind of thing that can be re-written by just anyone. If it is to be re-written, it should be re-written by someone who is educated and understand metaphor. I believe there are countless people out there who could write Buffy and do a bang-up job. But they MUST understand the key premise that Joss intended. Give that blond who is always being killed in the horror films a voice. Give EVERYDAY WOMEN a voice. That's what it's all about, and the first film perverted that in the worst way. Why not have a Mary the Vampire Slayer movie? It just wouldn't have the same punch as the intentionally cheesy b-movie name has for us and for a generation of young women. I don't trust Hollywood with my heroine unless they can prove they understand what the hell it's all about in the first place!

Buffy the vampire slayer - why does it have so much power in my life?

First off, I will say this is entirely an opinion blog, and I have no intention of asserting anything as absolute truth. Now that that's said and done, back to my topic.

I have been contemplating the reason Buffy the vampire slayer has been such a powerful force in my life and the lives of my friends who I met because of the show. After all, Buffy the vampire slayer is just a television show, right?

That's right. But whenever I watch the show, it becomes clear to me over and over again how many social and moral lessons happen to the characters on the show. Who knows what part is Joss's intent and what part is the network saying, this show must have moral lessons at the end of each episode? I once heard a friend say that a writer always transmits his or her belief system(s) into a work, whether he/she is aware of it or not.

I have a Bachelor's degree in Sociology and my education in that area demonstrates how fascinated I am with culture, how it is transmitted and how relationships are bound together. An important role of art that few people pay attention to is how that art can serve as a set of teachings that can hold a society together. My latest theory as to why and how I developed such close, intimate friendships through the local Buffy group? BTVS and Angel as socio-cultural tracts about how relationships work and society can work when and if those relationships benefit society as a whole. Also, how when those relationships are negatively affected or interfered with...those relationships can cause the social structure of the group in question and even the society surrounding the social group to implode. Now, speaking of real-life societal structures, this is a bit of an exaggeration. If I don't get along with my friends and we have an implosion, really there is no loss to society as a whole. But say group after group implodes. People don't need one another anymore. Social mores and morals break down. When this happens, a society might in danger of collapsing. I remember reading in a Sociology text book long ago that societal collapse is often brought into motion by the collapse of social support systems and social mores on a large scale. Now, I am getting that information from my cobwebby brain and have not done the research to back it up yet, so don't quote me on that.

We are social animals. People need one another. Some more introverted people do not believe that is the case, but we are wired naturally to thrive when we are members of healthy social groups. The popularity of churches in communities and other ways for people to connect with one another helps to show how communities self-sustain.

In BTVS and Angel and often in Firefly and Dollhouse (Joss Whedon's other creations) I see frequent references to the importance of a single human life. A single person who can affect the world around them. That people are powerful. And the characters have frequently used lines beginning with, "But it's Buffy" or "It's Cordelia," "It's Fred." In Angel, a spin-off of the popular Buffy series, Angel (a vampire cursed with a soul Buffy has a doomed romance with in BTVS), runs to catch Cordelia after she has painful visions. Everyone helps everyone else in BTVS and Angel. The core group of friends often is seen by the main characters as a family, even moreso than the characters' own families. Whenever a social support system or structure or moral is broken, there are consequences. When you do not treat people the right way, there are consequences and as most Buffy fans know, those consequences often do not end well (or leave behind shattered lives or even a shattered universe, the consequence of Buffy being brought back to life by Willow, the powerful Witch on the show who is a best friend to Buffy).

Perhaps when I meet with my friends we subconsciously apply the teachings of the show to our own lives enriching our social structure? Maybe, maybe not. But it sure is interesting to think about. But regardless of what the real data is, Buffy succeeds because she has friends. Because she has a strong support group, she lives longer than any slayer before her. To me, this speaks volumes about our own social relationships. I can apply that idea to my life. If I didn't have friends, it would be difficult to get through the difficulties of my life. Buffy and her friends come out as winners at the end of the television series because they worked TOGETHER. As a team. Go team!